You all know there’s a lunatic running for city council, right?

So much attention is paid to the mayor’s race, deservedly, and trying to prevent Mike Hogan from turning over the City of Jacksonville even more to First Baptist Church nutjobs that it is easy to overlook the bounty of religious loons running. Spinning-head and shoulders above all others has to be Kimberly Daniels, “the Demonbuster”!

A choice quote:

"Most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

"I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."

The demons cannot tell the difference! For more on this you must read this blog post and specifically this comment. Aw, Hell! I cannot resist sharing it with you here. Excerpted from the comments at the above link:

Redwood Rhiadra 
April 27, 2011 at 4:59 am | #2 | Reply | Quote
These “deliverance sessions”, casting out demons, sound an awful lot like exorcisms…

April 27, 2011 at 11:39 am | #10 | Reply | Quote
Redwood Riadhra, although I agree that exorcisms can be dangerous…

 April 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm | #11 | Reply | Quote
You may not know that Hershey’s has, over time, moved from having full-time cursers on staff, to hiring a temp workforce, to replacing them altogether with robots. This is cheaper and more efficient, but also means that a significant chunk of the factory cursers union (AFL-CIO 666) is out of work. Worse, many of the robots have only been possessed by demons from the first circle of hell (limbo), and many of the curses don’t even last through Halloween. When I was growing up, I remember that the curses would be present even in the post-Halloween sale candy, and many times, the demons would make the leap from the old Halloween decorations to the Thanksgiving cranberry sauce or pilgram cut-outs. In fact, all the turkeys my mother cooked were demonstrably possessed by high-level spirits. Not one ever came out right. These days, not even the jello salad is demonic, despite the addition of mandarin oranges and marshmallows.

I hope other commenters, regardless of religious affiliation, will work with me to ensure that this Halloween, we’ll only consume candy cursed in the USA by certified, union-represented workers possessed by demons from the third level of Hell (or deeper).

April 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm | #12 | Reply | Quote

April 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm | #13 | Reply | Quote

I love you.

Other choice Daniels quotes:

  • "The Jews own everything!" 
  • "antichrist spirits rule… ‘The View’ and CNN News"
  • "plane crashes… have been directly related to witchcraft."
  • "We curse the words of the genie in Kenya that blessed Obama to be president of the United States."
  • ad nauseum

For more on Daniels, including documentation for all quotes, please visit Talk to Action.

Oh CRAP! How could I leave out this one? The pièce de résistance :

I thank God for slavery. Mmm. I thank God for the crack house. If it wasn’t for the crack house, come on somebody, God wouldn’t a never been able to use me how he can use me now. And if it wasn’t for slavery I might be somewhere in Africa worshiping a tree!

Say no more.